Doof's Ramblings
by FrostShadowStar
Summary: If you click on this story, prepare to have the fourth wall broken...you have been warned or, if you want a less mysterious summary-You awaken to find yourself trapped by Dr. D as he tells you his latest plan
1. Meeting Doof

**DISCLAMIER:****I ****DO ****NOT ****OWN ****DR.****HEINZ****DOOFENSHMIRTZ**, **PERRY ****THE ****PLATYPUS, ****THE ****FANFICTION ****'CUPCAKES' ****NOR ****DO ****I ****OWN ****YOU. ****THESE ****ARE ****THE ****PROPERTY ****OF ****DISNEY, ****WHOEVER ****WROTE ****'CUPCAKES' ****FIRST ****AND ****OF ****COURSE ****YOURSELF... UNLESS ****SOME ONE ****OWNS ****YOU ****OF ****COURSE****:P**

**DOOF: WILL YOU GET ON WITH IT ALL READY?**

**ME: B/ FINE...**

You awake to find yourself sitting in a dark room, tied to a chair, thankfully, the knot is loose, and you can't help but wonder how this exactly happened. One moment, you're sitting in your nice comfy chair, staring at a computer screen, reading and laughing at fanfics. The next, you're here after one very seemingly innocent click of the mouse.

"Ahh, you've awoken. Good, it was starting to get a little boring, just, you know, sitting here in the dark."

Suddenly, the lights flash on and Dr. Doofenshmirtz is standing before you, with a semi-excited look on his face. Seeing Doof. The Doof. Before you; you don't know whether to be overjoyed to be seeing him in person or be slightly afraid that you've apparently been kidnapped by a cartoon character.

Doof gives you a small smile and twiddles his fingers a little.

"I'm sure you want you know why you are here, fanfic reading person, you see, I wanted to show someone from the real world my latest inator."

You've been kidnapped just so you could see Doof's latest plan to rule the tri-state area? AWSOMESAUCE!

Doof continues with his rant, "You see, fanfic reading person, I too enjoy going online and you know, wasting time…that is the term right? Anyways, one day, when I was surfing the web, I came across a most disturbing and _evil_ thing. And when I say evil, I mean twisted, like seriously, why put it up online where little kids could see it? T-This disturbing thing w-was a paring between-"

At that moment Agent P crashes through Doof's door. Doof sighs and presses a button, trapping the platypus in soft lazy boy chair.

"Really Perry the Platypus? Do you always have to break my doors? You could just open them you know. I leave them unlocked…Oh the trap? Yeah, I saw a guy the other day sit in one, and he couldn't get out of it for hours…he he…oh that person over there? Don't worry, it's no one from Danville, it's a real person. What? This is part of my scheme, and don't you do anything Perry the Platypus, I'm doing this for you too."

Doof returns his attention back to you.

"As I was saying, the image or phrase, even fanfics, popping up all over the internet is a paring of me and Perry the Platypus"

You turn you attention to Agent P and see that the small mammal has suddenly gone very green and looks like he's going to puke.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too. So I built this inator to get rid of all those sick images and stuff. I mean really, kids read stuff like this? Can you imagine how they'd have trouble sleeping at night?" Doof pauses for a moment "Have you ever read a fanfic called 'Cupcakes'?" You shake your head no. "Good, don't ever read it, it'll give you nightmares."

Perry: gggggggggg

Doof nods. "I agree. What sick, twisted mind would pair us together…I mean us both guys and different species...IT WAS RODNEY WASN'T IT! WHEN I SEE THAT-"  
>Norm randomly walks in. "It was me sir"<p>

Doof stares at his robot. "What?"

"I made up that pairing on the internet dad"

"Norm, I am not your father and WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"

"Rodney told me to! :D"

Doof groans, turns to you and takes out a small button. "Well seems like I've got to go deal with Rodney now, so, uh, I'll just zap you back home."

You begin to protest, saying you're having a lot of fun being in a fanfic when Doof presses the button and you suddenly find yourself back in your comfy chair, staring at the computer screen…and hoping that what had just happened was not because you had too much candy recently…


	2. A new Character

**DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN YOU OR THE PLACE CALLED CARTOONLAND, MAINLY BECAUSE I'M POSITIVE THAT CARTOONLAND EXISTS **_**SOMEWHERE**_** JUST NO WHERE NEAR ME YOU OF COURSE OWN YOURSELF UNLESS YOU REALLY DON'T :p AS FOR PSCYOCRAZYDOOFSUPERFAN#9001…I MAY HAVE CREATED THE NAME FOR THIS FIC FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES, BUT I'M SURE SHE/THEY EXIST SOMEWHERE…**

After a few hours of debate, you realize that you were able to get to Cartoonland (you decide to call it that since you really don't have the time to come up with something more creative than that) by clicking on that specific story. So after much searching, you find THE LINK and are teleported to the same exact spot as before. Minis the rope of course.

But, to your surprise, you see that Doof is bound to a chair by someone who obviously knows how to tie a knot. Doof sees you and gives a small groan. "Great, you're here too. I realize now that making a teleport-to-me-link-inator was perhaps not the greatest idea I've had."

You stare at him confusion. What in the world is he talking about? It's then that you notice that you are not alone with the doctor. Approaching from the shadows is a teen girl with braided black pigtails wearing what looks like a Goth version of Alice in Wonderland's dress. Glowing above her head in green letters is the phrase _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_

"What really disturbs me about her user name is that I apparently have over 9000 crazy pscyo fans"

Hearing Doof say that, you decide now's not the best time to tell him that you too, are a fan of his awesome hilarity on the show. To the point where it _may_ be bordering on insanity. After all, you did come here on purpose just to stalk Doof…

_PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ stalks up to Doof who is still tied to the chair. You notice that he seems to cower as she approaches

"Alright Doofy, I have a few questions for you. One and most important, is Phineas Flynn your son? Do you _really _not recognize Agent P without his hat? And lastly, well, I don't have a third question, but I'll think of one sooner or later."

"Well, me not recognizing Perry the Platypus without his hat is part of my character. If you have a problem with that, you can take that up with Dan and Swampy. As for Phineas being….WAIT-Why would you think he and I are related?"

You and _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ both roll your eyes.

"Well," She says slowly, "There are a lot of similarities between yourself and Phineas"

You and _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ then proceed to list the similarities together.

"Your hair is similar" she begins

"Similar head shape"

"Tendency to slouch"

You blink. Phineas slouches? You think back to past episodes and realize with a start that Phineas _does _slouch!

While you sit frozen in surprise, _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001 _glances at you and rolls her eyes before turning her attention back to Doof.

"Alright Doofy, answer the question, are you or aren't you Phineas' father?"

Doof glares at her. "I don't have to say anything. And stop calling me Doofy! No evil villain would allow themselves to be called by such a ridiculously cute name!"

"What about Rodney? You call him that all the time to his disdain." You pipe up

Doof rolls his eyes "Like his full name he keeps trying to get us to call him by is any better? Seriously, by the time he finishes saying that, my daily battle with Perry the Platypus is loooong done. Sides, can you remember it?"

You shake your head no. _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ is staring at Doof like he suddenly grew another head.

"I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" She screamed like a crazy person. You and Doof jump and stare at her like she's suddenly lost, which she may as well have.

"YOU'RE AVOIDING ANSWERING THE QUESTION!" _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ steps menacingly towards Doof, an utter crazy look in her eyes.

You guess where this may be going and look desperately for something to help Doof when you spot IT. The Button Doof had pressed to send you back home last time. Grabbing it, you aim it at _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_, prey it still works, and press the button. One puff of smoke later and _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ is gone. Doof breathes a sigh of relief and begins to try to untie himself from the chair. You smile and walk over and help him.

"Thank you, fanfic reading person. For a moment there, I was afraid I'd have to answer her question."

You pause. Doof looks up at you.

"Uh, fanfic reading person? Aren't you going to finish untying the rope?"

You stare down at Doof.

"Are you Phineas father?"

Doof sighs and rolls his eyes at the ceiling.

"I am going to be in so much trouble later…" he mutters

Doof glares at you. "Let's just say I am not at liberty to tell you either way."

Then with surprising speed, Doof grabs the send-real-people-home-inator from you, presses the button and next thing you know you are back in your comfy chair staring at a computer screen. You glare at it venomsly when a random person walks in on you and sees your expression.

"Is there something on the computer you aren't pleased about?"

You continue to glare at the screen as you reply. "Yeah, you could say that."


	3. Scream Match

**DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSMIRTZ OR YOU. DISNEY OWNS DOOF AN YOU OWN YOURSELF, UNLESS OF COURSE, YOU DON'T.**

**ALSO, I DO NOT OWN-AAAAAAUUUUURRRGGGGGHHHHH! DOOF! DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!**

**DOOF: *STANDING ACROSS THE ROOM* BUT…I'M…NO WHERE NEAR…YOU…**

**ME: O_o**

**DOOF: o_O**

…**..ME: …..WELL, THIS IS SLIGHTLY EMBARRISING, LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY…**

After yesterday's events, you found THE LINK again and added it to your favorites page just so you wouldn't have to go through like, hundreds of pages of other fanfics again.

When pressing the link again today, you find yourself in what you _think _is Doof's living room. It's kind of hard to tell since the room is still dark.

Maybe Cartoonland runs on a different time schedule than home? Quickly you pull out your cell phone. It says 11:30…so Doof should be around. Suddenly, you hear a noise behind you. Turning around in slowmo, you see the door opening, light shining through it. A long hand pushes through the crack and turns on the light switch by the door. You can't help it, you scream. The person behind the door starts screaming as well and you hear something heavy drop to the floor.

The door opens up all the way, and you see Doof.

You can't help it, you're still screaming like you just witnessed a PG13 scene. Doof, in response to your screams, screams back.

You: AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Doof: AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH

You: AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Doof: AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

You finally calm down enough after a few minutes, hours, weeks, months, years (?) of screaming your head off. You really don't know how long you and Doof screamed at each other.

As you feel your heartbeat slow, you glance over at Doof who is busy picking objects off the floor. You look closer and realize, it's his groceries. Feeling guilty for scaring the guy, you walk over and start to help him.

Doof glares at you. "Didn't your mother teach you not to pop up randomly in people's houses and scare them half to death?"

You nod, "Yeah, she did, but that lovely little link you made that teleports people here, to this exact spot."

Doof grumbles something unintelligible. You shrug as you finish shoving items into the admittedly tattered brown paper bag.

"So, uh, how did that inator work?"

Doof picked up a slab of cheese, glared at it than sighed. "It worked at first, but, about three seconds after deleting the horror pairing…about fifty more of them popped up online again. Well, I tried zapping those too, but…the inator overheated and started zapping random things…and, uh, Perry the Platypus"

You stare at the doctor in shock before raising a finger and pointing at him and shouting like a crazy person: YOU KILLED PERRY!

Doof's response: "I thought we were done with the screaming, besides, I did not 'kill' Perry the Platypus, I accidently deleted every file of platypuses online…So Perry the Platypus has been busy putting that data back up online."

"Now," Doof pauses for a moment as he searches for something in his lab coat. A smile crosses his face as he apparently finds it. You watch in interest as he begins to pull it out. Immediately, you start scooting away from Doof as fast as you can.

"W-Why would you carry that thing around with you?" you half-yell at him.

"And here I thought we were done with the screaming…" you hear Doof mutter before he raises his voice. "It's a habit I've gotten into with you and _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ popping up at my house every single day."

You start to protest that you and the disturbingly creepy super fan are nothing alike, but too late, Doof pressed the button and you found yourself back in your comfy chair in front of a computer screen.

You stare at it for a few moments before screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" causing your pet to jump a little and stare at you like you've suddenly lost it. Good thing the rest of your family isn't home right now, or else they might try to put you into therapy for screaming at inanimate objects.

**A/N: I REALZE I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE DONE ONE OF THESE 'AURTHER'S NOTES' A WHILE AGO, BUT, I FORGOT. *INSERT DERP FACE HERE***

**ANYWAYS, I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR READING THIS, AND ESPECIALLY THANK PHINEASANDFERBFAN FOR TELLING ME HOW TO ADD CHAPTERS TO AN ALREADY EXISTING STORY. SO LET'S ALL GIVE THEM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE, FOR WITHOUT THEM, THERE WOULD BE NO CH. 2 OR 3.**

**I'M ALSO SURPRISED AT HOW POPULAR THE STORY FORMAT IS. LET ME BE HONEST, I WAS NOT INTENDING TO DO ALL OF DOOF'S RAMBLINGS IN 2END PERSON, BUT, I LIKE DOING WHAT FEW OTHERS DO. ALSO, I FEAR I'M LOSING TOUCH WITH THE MUSES WHO GAVE ME THE IDEA FOR THIS AND THAT THE STORY WILL BECOMES OOC. AND I WANT TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM OOC DOOF AS I CAN…THANKS AGAIN FOR READING AND REVIEWING.**


	4. Nothing Witty Here

**DISCLAMIER: AS USUAL I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN YOU, BECAUSE YOU, OF COURSE OWN YOURSELF UNLESS YOU REALLY DON'T. AND YES, THE 'WHO OWNS YOU' IS MY OWN RUNNING GAG. 'QUE MANICAL LAUGHTER'**

**DOOF: ….AND I THOUGHT NO ONE WAS CRAZIER THAN KEVIN…*BACKS SLOWLY AWAY FROM THE CRAZY FANFIC WRITER***

You arrive in Doof's apartment as usual. Sadly, Doof is not here, but at least the sunlight is strong enough today to light the living room.

Since Doof isn't around, you decide to browse around a little. After about thirty minutes of aimlessly walking around, you spot a piece of paper lying on the table in the kitchen. Glancing at the door to check to see if Doof's back yet, you quickly pick up the paper.

It's a list.

Of things to call Perry the Platypus.

Grinning like you just won the lottery, you settle down to read what Doof's come up with so far

_Things to Call Perry the Platypus when I've trapped him or when he's being mean or when I just want to sound witty._

_1 Perry the Judge-a-pus_

_2 Perry the Mean-a-pus_

_3 Perry the Not-So-Smart-Now-Huh-pus_

_4 Perry the Sarcastic-pus_

_5 Perry the Mr. Comedian-pus_

_6 Perry the Late-a-pus_

_7 Perry the Jerk-a-pus_

_8 Perry the-_

Before you could finish reading what number eight is, the door swings open and a rather crispy looking Doof marches in.

You raise an eyebrow. "Another inator blow up in your face?"

"No, Perry the Goody-Goody-Pus pressed the self-destruct button while I was still standing beside it-Wait-"

Doof stops and stares at you for a few seconds. "I thought we went over the whole you popping up here uninvited thing yesterday"

You shrug. It's likely you forgot about the whole conversation already.

Doof narrows his eyes at you before he realizes what you're holding in your hands. "Is that-Yes! Yes it is! How dare you read my practice insults!"

You shrug again. "You weren't here, I was bored, and number 3 and 4 need some work"

Doof stares daggers at you as he quickly rips the paper out of your hands and takes the send-real-people-home-inator out of his coat pocket.

"You know, this whole thing was a lot more fun when you were tied in a chair, not doing anything. How would _you_ like it if I kept popping up in your house for no reason other than to bug you?"

You stare at him thoughtfully.

"You, popping up at my house regularly? I'd be the coolest person on the planet! :D"

Doof groans and presses the button, sending you home. Again.

You stare at the computer screen for a few seconds, smile on your face as you imagine Doof popping up at your house before you start noticing a stinging pain.

Puzzled, you stare at your hands for a couple of seconds.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! PAPERCUTS! ON THE PALMS OF MY HANDS!"

You scream as you run like a crazy person to your bathroom for water and Band-Aids.

**A/N: JUST TO GIVE YOU ALL IN CYBER-SPACE A HEADS-UP, I WILL NOT BE POSTING MORE OF DOOF'S RAMBLINGS OR MY OWN KIND OF SPECIAL DURING THE WEEKENDS, MAINLY, BECAUSE MY COMPUTER IS MEAN.**

**DOOF: SO, THAT MEANS I GET 2 DAYS OF NOT BEING BOTHERED BY FANFICREADINGPEOPLE?**

**ME: YEP :3**

**DOOF: :D**

**ME: AND IN THOSE TWO DAYS, I'LL GET MORE IDEAS FOR WHAT TO TYPE FOR THIS FIC**

**DOOF: D:**

**ME: XD**

**SO, SEE YOU ALL ON MONDAY, HALLOWEEN!**


	5. Missing

**DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN PYSCOCRAZYSUPERDOOFFAN#9001 OR YOU. MAINLY BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT PYSCOCRAZYSUPERDOOFFAN#9001 EXISTS, ABIET, UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME. AS FOR YOU, ONLY YOU OWN YOURSELF, UNLESS YOU DON'T OF COURSE**

You arrive in Doof's apartment as usual and find to your surprise that the room is completely in the dark for this time of day. You then notice a dim light bulb hanging from the ceiling above a small table. Underneath it, is _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ in the same black gothic dress you first met her in.

Looking a bit harder (a considerable feat considering the lighting) you see that the front of her dress is red and realize almost immediately that Doof is nowhere to be found.

"YOU KILLED DOOF!" You scream in horror at her.

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ rolls her eyes at your outburst.

"Why in all things fuzzy would you say that? I mean without him, I would not watch Disney channel whenever a certain show is on."

You stop screaming and stare at her dubiously. "Soooo you didn't kill Doof?" you say slowly

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ gives a humongous sigh. "No. Why would you even think that?"

"Your dress has spatters of red all over the front"

"Yeah, I noticed."

"So uh, why-"

"Because the hot dog vender put way too much ketchup on my lunch today."

You shift uncomfortably under her hard gaze. You really need to stop jumping to such ridiculous conclusions.

"So, uh, where is he?"

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ shrugs. "I dunno, I've been here for about three days and haven't so much heard a 'Curse you Perry the Platypus'. All I've got for clues is this piece of paper here"

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ then picks up a piece of paper off the table she's sitting at and hands it to you. Raising an eyebrow, you take it from her carefully (you sooooo don't want another handful of paper cuts) and quickly glance at the paper. Then re-read it over again.

_To PCSDF#9001 AND FRP: I'M DEAD; IT WAS A HORRIFIC DEATH INVOLVING COUCHES, AND UM…TISSUE PAPER, UH REGULAR PAPER, CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES, AND A FRIDGE. SO, SINCE I'M DEAD, DON'T COME LOOKING FOR ME SINCE I'M-YOU KNOW, MAYBE I'VE OVER EXPLAINED THIS…POINT IS, DON'T COME LOOKING FOR ME; IT'S NO USE._

_MAILMEN AND POST OFFICE PEOPLE, LEAVE PACKAGES BY THE COUCH._

_THANK YOU_

_-DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ_

You look up from the paper and frown at _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ "Does he honestly expect us to believe this?"

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001 _gives a small shrug. "Are you really surprised he thinks we'd believe that he wrote a piece of paper_ after_ he died and then tell delivery people to leave packages here? I mean the guy loses to a platypus"

"Which knows some kind of kung-fu" you counter

"Touché, point is he's not here."

The two of you stare at each other for a few moments before you say

"Wanna go partipate in whatever Phineas and Ferb are doing?"

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ shrugs. "Sure, why not. Doof's house is not as much fun when he's not here to be funny."

And with those words the two of you begin to head to Phineas and Ferb's house before a thought occurs to you.

"Wait, I just realized something, we don't actually know where there house is from the DEI building."

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ pauses besides you and thinks for a moment.

"Well, it shouldn't be too hard, after all, how many blocks and places can there be between here and there? After all it's not like Danville's a _real_ city"

**A/N: FIRST OFF, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**

**ALSO, GREAT STARCLAN! I HAD NO IDEA THAT THE CHAPTERS WERE SO SHORT ON . USUALLY I TYPE EVERYTHING UP ON MICROSOFT WORD (USUALLY TAKING UP 2-3 PAGES) AND THEN POST. IF I WANT TO READ MY WORK OR ONE OF MY FAVORITE FANFICS, I READ THEM ON MY PHONE, WHICH…MAKES EVERYTHING SEEM NICE AND LONG.**

**SOOOOO, SORRY FOR THE SHORTNESS OF THE CHAPTERS. ANYWHO, WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF THE STORY WITHIN A STORY ARC THING?**

**I WAS THINKING ABOUT HAVING A CERTAIN P&F CHARACTER POP UP IN OUR WORLD, BUT THAT GOT PUSHED ASIDE WHEN DOOF'S NOTE POPPED UP IN MY HEAD.**

**HOPE YOU LIKED THE NEW CHAPTER AND THAT IT STILL RETAINED SOME HUMOR…**


	6. In which we meet a clown

**DISCLAMIER: I KNOW YOU ARE ALL READY FOR THE STORY, SO I'LL CUT TO THE CHASE: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN PYSCOCRAZYSUPERDOOFFAN#9001 OR YOU. MAINLY BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT PYSCOCRAZYSUPERDOOFFAN#9001 EXISTS, ABIET, UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME. AS FOR YOU, YOU KNOW THE DRILL. THAT IS OF COURSE IF YOU READ THE DISLAMIER ;P**

After walking for what seems like hours, you glare at_ PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_.

"You've been here for three days. How could you not know where Phineas and Ferb live?" you growl at her.

She shrugs. "According to the beliefs of _PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#7539,_ Danville is a magical city that does not exist in one single location and thus moves around and possibly causing the houses to move as well. But the inhabitants notice nothing since they've lived here their whole lives."

You stare at her, unable to understand about half of what she said after she said _PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#7539._

"_P-PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#7539_?" You stutter in horror. "You mean there are more of you!"

_PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ gives you a snort of contempt. "Are you telling me you honestly thought I came up with my awesome username by myself?"

"…Yes?"

"_PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#1_ would be most insulted that you did not recognize his fabulous, exclusive club, open to only those who know everything about Doofenshirmtz."

You blink. "T-that sounds creepy and stalkerish"

"Oh, it is. Why don't you think I haven't shared THE LINK with the rest of the club? So that I alone can meet him!"

"That and not only would the town be overrun with Doof fans, but the poor doctor would be running for his life" you mutter under your breath.

"What?"

"NOTHING!" You yell, "I-I mean nothing, let's just try to find a Slushy Dog, since they seem close to their house for some odd reason"

_PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001 _gives a small grunt of agreement and the two of you continue to walk around Danville

_Exactly 3 Hours Later_

"We've been walking for hours. How could you not know where anything is?" you whine to _PsycoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ whose only response is a shrug before you tackle her like a mad person. Oddly, no one notices this.

"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING HERE IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE ANYTHING IS HERE?" you scream.

_PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ raises an eyebrow as she stares at you. "I'm beginning to think living in a cartoon is not good for one's sanity (insert your username here). As for what I've been doing the last 3 days I've been-"

"Shush!"

"D-Did you just _shush_ me?"

"Shush!"

"Oh, the nerve! Here I am, telling you what I've been doing and you go-"

"SHUSH!"

"Congratulations, you've surpassed Meep's annoying Meep sound in just three tries."

"What part of 'shush' do you not get?" you whisper a low voice.

"…Why do you want me to 'shush'?"

"Looook" you point ominously.

She looks and sees what you noticed first. A Slushy Dog. And standing in front of it is a clown holding up a slushy dog burger statue.

PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001 stares at it for a few moments before pushing you off of her with surprising strength and starts running for the hills screaming

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE SLUSHIE DOG CLOWN OF HORROR!"

"Wait!" you call after her. "It's just a clown statue, not creepy at all…" your voice trails off as you stare at the clown and notice his (its?)

Big red, ever smiling mouth

White Face

Bad Fashion Choice

And small eyes

That seem to peer deep inside your soul.

You stand there a few more seconds before running in the same direction as PschoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001 all the while screaming at the top of your lungs

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE SLUSHIE DOG CLOWN OF HORROR!"

**A/N: *READS OVER ENTRY* WELL, THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD SPOT TO STOP. *RANDOM PEOPLE POP IN 'WHERE'S DOOF? THE TITLE SAYS DOOF'S RAMBLINGS'***

**ME: *BLINKS* BACK! BACK! OR ELSE I SHALL BREAK MY PERFECT RECORD OF POSTING EVERY DAY ('CEPT WEEKENDS')**

**RANDOM PEOPLE: LIES! YOU DIDN'T POST TUESDAY NOR WEDNESDAY!**

**ME: TWAS NOT MY FAULT! TWAS, TWAS THE COSOMOS FAULT!**

**RANDOM PEOPLE: LIES**

**ME: *THINKING QUICKLY* LOOK! THERE'S DOOF!**

**DOOF: WHAT?**

**RANDOM PEOPLE RUN LIKE CRAZY TOWARDS DOOF WHILE HE RUNS FOR HIS LIFE**

**ME: *SNEAKS AWAY FROM THE SCEANE***


	7. Oh, There you are

**DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN PYSCOCRAZYSUPERDOOFFAN#9001 OR YOU. MAINLY BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT PYSCOCRAZYSUPERDOOFFAN#9001 EXISTS, ABIET, UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME. AS FOR YOU-YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING TO GET TIRED OF THIS WHOLE 'DISCLAMIER THING' THERE'S ONLY SO MANY WAYS YOU CAN SAY 'I DON'T OWN-' BEFORE YOU BEGIN TO LOSE CREATIVITY…KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BESIDES, HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ACTULLY READ THIS?**

**DOOF: ARE YOU DONE MOPEING?**

**ME: T_T MAYBE…**

**DOOF: THEN GET ON WITH THE STORY ALREADY!**

After much running you finally catch up to _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_…who's lying on the grass. You don't blame her. She (and you) must have ran at least two miles. You think briefly to yourself that all gym teachers need to have students complete the dreaded mile is place a bunch of Slushy Dog Clowns of Horror around the field. And give them wheels. So it seems like they are chasing the kids. You realize that that idea is insane before flopping down on the grass and letting yourself fall asleep.

Various hours later, you wake up to see _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ glaring at you.

"What?" you ask her in confusion

"I can't believe you ran away from a ceramic clown. That is so lame."

"You ran away first!"

"I did not. I am not scared of clowns."

You open your mouth to argue some more but close it again. The two of you don't have time argue about who ran away from what first.

"Whatever, let's just try to find Phineas and Ferb and see if-why are you smiling like that?"

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ grin became even wider. "You see, while you were passed out, I found someone who could help us find Phineas and Ferb."

You peek behind her and feel you jaw drop. You can't help thinking that she really was crazy. For sitting behind her, tied in a rope cocoon is Irving.

"You found _him_ but you couldn't find Phineas and Ferb?" _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ shrugs. "Look, he just happened to walk by while I was practicing lassoing things. Anyway, what's the big deal? He knows where they live."

"If the two of you are planning to kidnap or use Phineas and Ferb, I'll never tell you anything!" Irving yells at you.

You roll your eyes. Wonderful. Irving thinks the two of you are insane. Sighing you walk over to him and begin attempting to untie the knots.

"We don't want to kidnap Phineas and Ferb…we just need their help in finding someone."

"Really?'

"Yep"

"Alrighty then. Follow me then."

You exchange a glance with _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_. As Doof would say, Irving was a Dummkopf.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

After much walking, you find yourself in front of a familiar yellow house. You find it somewhat hard not to jump around from excitement. This was after all their house.

You were about to meet_ Phineas and Ferb_!

Things sooo can't get any better.

A few steps later and it does.

For standing before you are _Phineas and Ferb_!

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ stares at you oddly as she notices that you are having a hard time trying not to squeal like a crazy super fan.

"Don't tell me you like those two as much as Doof?"

"Why not? They're awesome. Besides, the only characters I don't like are Suzy and Rodger."

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ shrugs and turns her attention to the two boys.

"Hey Irving? What's up?" Phineas's cheery voice brings you semi-back to earth.

"Nothin-" Irving begins before being interrupted by _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_. "We need your guys' help in finding someone."

Phineas nods and smiles even wider. "Lucky for you, Ferb and I just got done making today's project. It works similar to our teleport-things/people to us machine. 'Cept, it works in reverse. You get teleported to the person in the photo. So do you guys have a picture of whomever you're trying to find?"

"I think so…" _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ mutters as she starts going through several pockets in her dress that you swear didn't exist before.

"Ah-ha. Here we go. Several drawings done by various members of the PCSDF Super Fan Club!" she exclaims happily as she hands you a pile of papers. "Since I brought them, _you_ pick out the drawing, since, I figure you'd be a better judge of which is closer to his appearance than I am."

You nod, look down at the first drawing and immediately wish you hadn't, or at least had a flamethrower or something.

"Why would anyone have a drawing of _this_?" You mutter to her as you hastily shove the disturbing drawing back to her.

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ looks down at the drawing a gives you a look. "What's wrong with it? It's one of my favorites. Plus, _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#1538 _gave this to me."

You stare at her before giving a small shudder and turning your attention back to the pile of papers, hoping you don't see any more disturbingly sick images of DoofxPerry like the one you just had. You'll probably have nightmares for a week, if not two.

20 minutes (and 5 more disturbing images) later, you finally find the perfect, closest to the show's art style image of Doof, and give it the Phineas.

Phineas smiles, points you and _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ to a spot, places the drawing in the machine's scanner and…Whoosh, you have instantly been teleported to a clearing in what looks like the woods and instantly see…

"DOOF!"

Your loud squeal surprises him…causing him to trip over a branch and land face first on the ground.

"What are you doing here?" he asks as soon as he gets up, but doesn't give you the chance to speak as he continues talking "Oh well, it doesn't matter. I was just about to explain to Perry here-" you notice the platypus is trapped in what looks like a blue cocoon of-cloth? "-My latest inator; The TRASH-ERADICATE-INATOR!" He yells dramatically. You stare at the odd device behind him, which for some reason, appears to be made out of trash cans.

"You see, FanFic Reading Peoples, the TRASH-ERADICATE-INATOR shall be fired into the stratosphere, causing all trash in the world to become eradicated, forever. And with the TRASH-ERADICATE-INATOR's one blast, trash shall never exist again! And then, millions of people will be without jobs (the trash collecting people) and in the confusion, I shall rule the Tri-State-AREA!"

You and _PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_ stare at Doof. Getting rid of the world's trash is not evil, but then a thought crosses your mind, if the T.E.I. works, then you'd never have to take out the trash again. One less chore to do…

It is then that you notice Perry has escaped the blue cocoon and making his way to 'thwart' the evil inator.

"TACKLE THE PLATYPUS!" You scream as you make a flying tackle towards the startled mammal.

Doof: What?

_PyscoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001_: What?

"PRESS THE BUTTON DOOF!" You scream at him as you begin to find restraning such a small mammal harder than you first thought.

Doof stares at you before finally pressing the button and a ray of green light fires from the inator before said inator blows up.

A few seconds pass before you get off of Perry and cautiously look at Doof. "Did it work?"

He shrugs, and then drops a small candy wrapper on the ground.

It sits there for a few moments before, poof. It disappears.

"AWSOME YOU DID IT!" You shout as you start bouncing around.

"OoooooKay. You're starting to freak me out now…soooo, I'm going to send you home now."

But for the first time since being zapped home you don't care. Running towards the nearest garbage you stop and stare.

The garbage from this morning (or at the very least the last time you were home) is still there.

You slowly sink to your knees and wail.

Obviously, the TRASH-ERADICATE-INATOR has no effect in the real world.

**A/N: I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THIS CHAPTER. AND, JUST SO YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE LONGEST. TOOK ME FOUR PAGES ON WORD TO TYPE THIS UP, SO IT SHOULD (HOPEFULLY) BE A DECENT LENGTH ON THE SITE. NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO GO TRY GETTING MY CREATIVITY RECHARGED…OR SOMETHING. **

**DOOF: SO I'M BACK IN THE STORY NOW?**

**ME: YEAH, I GUESS. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO NOW…I DO HAVE ANOTHER IDEA IN MY HEAD…**

**DOOF: ?**

**ME: IT INVOLVES ONE OF THE CHARACTERS COMING TO THE REAL WORLD…**

**DOOF: REALLY? YOU KNOW, THAT GIVES **_**ME**_** AN IDEA FOR A NEW INATOR.**

**ME: REALLY?**

**DOOF: MmmmmHmmmmm**

**ME: HUH, WELL BETTER PREWRITE ANOTHER CHAP. FOR M.O.K.O.S, NOT THAT ANYONE READS IT OF COURSE.**

**DOOF: I WONDER WHY**


	8. Writer's Block Part 1

**DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN YOU. AS FOR YOU-YOU OWN YOURSELF UNLESS YOU DON'T. I ALSO DO NOT OWN A CLOAK. I WISH I DID, THAT'D BE COOL! BUT I DO OWN A HEADBAND WITH CAT EARS :D. SO ALTHOUGH I HAVE NO RIGHTS TO THE SHOW, I CALL RIGHTS TO MY HEADBAND! SO THERE ;P**

**DOOF: OH POO, SHE'S BACK**

**ME: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? DON'T YOU LIKE ME?**

**DOOF: …CAN I ANSWER THAT HONESTLY?**

At long last you are free to enjoy your computer once again! After the whole 'in cartoonland for two days straight thing' You were grounded from anything electronic for a month for 'running away'.

Before you found THE LINK the grounding would have been mediocre. Now, it was torture. Here you had this awesome link that took you straight to Doof and you couldn't use it. Your biggest fear was that Doof would remember to somehow take THE LINK down. Then again, he still hadn't unplugged the shrinkinator, so you weren't too worried.

A couple minutes later and you were in the familiar 'evil' lair of .

For a moment, you just stand there, smiling. It's good to back. It's right about then that you notice that you are not alone. Sitting on the couch staring at the TV, flipping through the channels is...someone.

Not PscyoCrazySuperDoofFan#9001.

Not even Doof.

Nope, it's someone completely new.

You stare at them a moment longer before asking no one in particular: "D-Does she have cat ears?"

"Oh good, you see them too."

The sudden German-accent behind you startles you and, causes you to jump about a foot in the air. Coming back to Earth, you turn and glare at Doof.

"What the-DON'T CREEP UP ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT!"

Doof merely crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. "This is my house. I can creep up on anyone I want. Especially if they're not welcome."

Clutching your heart, you continue to glare at him. "You nearly gave me a heart attack. I'm too young for a heart attack! Besides, when did you gain 'ninja skills'? You're too clumsy to be sneaky."

Doof snorted. "I can be sneaky when I want to be. Just ask Perry the Platypus."

"Riiiiiggggghhhht...Anyways, you don't know that person?"

"What person?"

"The person on your couch!"

"Ooooohhhh _that_ person, yeah I know them."

You facepalm. "Then why did you act like you didn't know her just now."

Glaring at the doctor through your fingers you see that he's starting to squirm a little.

"Weeeell actually, I don't know her, I just, uh plucked her from your world to try out my latest inator"

"And let me guess, she got cat ears in the process?"

"Well, uh, no. She, uh came with the cat ears..."

You stare at Doof dumbfounded. A person comes into his house with cat ears and he doesn't ask any questions?

Seeing your look, Doof begins to rub the back of his neck and looks at the ceiling. "I thought I was just seeing things!"

"Seeing things?" you ask dryly.

"Look, I get beat up by a platypus and have my inators blow up on me on a daily basis. Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't started to see weird-" he pauses, "_Weirder_ things before now."

Before you can reply to his odd logic (Doof making sense...now _that _would be weird), the girl gets up from Doof's couch and walks over.

"All right Dr. D, you've had your fun or whatever, and it seems like you've got a new visitor, can I go home now?"

"One moment FanFic Reading Person." Doof says to you before digging through his pockets undoubtedly looking for the Send-Real-People-Back-Home-Inator.

The girl taps her foot a little before catching you staring at her head. Surprisingly, she smiles. But then again, you figure, with ears like those, she's bound to have attracted a lot of attention. Even more surprisingly, she detaches her ears

"Just so you know these are a headband, I just like wearing them."

"All here we go!"

A flash of light later, and the strange girl is gone and you fell like, well, a dummy. Duh, people don't have animal ears...well, 'cept in anime.

You blink as you realize that you're still here while Doof still has the means to send you home. You stare at him and he shrugs.

"Well I wanted to show you my inator. After all, it relates to the one I made when I first brought you here."

Doof press a button on a different remote and as you watch in awe, the floor opens up as an inator rises up. It is surprisingly sleek and as far as you can tell has no self-destruct buttons. He really went all out on this one...whatever it does.

"BEHOLD!" He shouts dramatically, "THE WRITER'S-BLOCK-INATOR! Capable of affecting even your dimension, I shall use it to prevent all future writings between myself and Perry the Platypus. Now, no one in your world shall be able to write any weird or sick fanfics about us."

You, meanwhile stare at Doof as he continues to rant and laugh. He, He just made an inator that could actually be considered evil.

DOOF CAME UP WITH AN EVIL PLAN! There is no doubt in your mind now, the world is doomed. All of them.

Suddenly, you realize that you no longer hear Doof laughing. Focusing, you see that Doof is standing still, and...NOT SLOUCHING!

Slowly, you approach Doof (you hadn't realized you'd backed away when the WRITER'S-BLOCK-INATOR first came up out of the floor) and notice in his shaking hands in a note card your positive wasn't there before.

But before you can even to attempt to see what it says, Doof spins around. First thing you notice is that Doof looks both panicked and scared. Never a good combo. The second thing you notice is that he's...pushing you into...a closet?

"Whatever you do, don't make a sound...otherwise-" You never find out what he was going to say next because he shudders fearfully and closes the door.

You lean back against the closet wall and stare and the now closed closet door.

What. Just. Happened?

**A/N: Ummmmmm How long was I gone?**

**Doof: Not long enough**

**Me: …I'm not even going to respond to that…Anyways, sorry everyone for the delay, I've **

**been rather busy with finals and such, so again sorry. I would like to make one statement, even if it takes me *insert dramatic time period here* I promise I shall finish each and every story I start, for I absolutely hate it when I've found a good fanfic only to find it hasn't been updated for two years or something. So even though it'll take some time, I shall always update and complete my stories.**

**Doof: And I thought my backstories could get long…**

**Me: Keep up the negative attitude, and I'll replace you with Alt. Doof!**

**Doof: Who?**

**Me: You know, never mind, Alt. Doof scares me…nor do I think I could write him in a humor-filled role, he's too evil to be funny.**

**Doof: What! I'm evil, and-**

**Me: Suuuure you are Dr. D, sure you are…**


	9. Writer's Block Part 2

**DISCLAMIER: I DO NOT OWN DR. HEINZ DOOFENSHIMRTZ. DISNEY DOES. NOR DO I OWN YOU. AS FOR YOU-YOU OWN YOURSELF UNLESS YOU DON'T. ALSO, AS IT TURNS OUT I **_**DO**_** OWN A CLOAK. IT WAS JUST HIDDEN BEHIND SOME SWEATERS, BAGS, AND BOXES IN MY CLOSET. SPEAKING OF HIDDEN IN A CLOSET...**

You stare wide-eyed at the closet door facing you.

Doof just stuffed you in a closet.

Doof. Stuck. You. In. A. _Closet_.

What. The. Fuzzle.

After about five minutes of staring at a wooden door, you begin to hear something.

Like a small popping noise.

Curious, you inch closer to the door (it's one of those slanted wood doors, perfect for peeking) and see a rather odd sight.

On the other side of the door are two hooded figures in long, flowing red cloaks. For some reason, the cloaks seem familiar, like you've seen them before,

The figures were approaching Doof. Who was slouching again...and shaking?

"H-Hello. Nice to see the two of you here..." Doof faltered as the figures continued to approach him.

"Heinz Doofensmirtz." said one of the figures, his voice oddly familiar, though you were certain you'd never heard it before "We have received information that you built a Writer's-Block-Inator that would affect the real world and neglected to have a self-destruct button. Explain yourself or face the consequences."

"Dude, you're being kinda harsh on him" The other figure interrupted. His voice also seemed vaguely familiar. "I mean, you're scaring the poor guy."

The first figure crossed his arms. If his hood wasn't covering his face you were pretty sure you'd see a glare. As it was, you couldn't see his face, and to be honest, it was a little hard seeing all the details through a small slant of wood.

Doof twiddled his hands a bit as he faced the second figure.

"Well you see, Sirs, is the truth is, I-I found some fan art and fan fiction focusing on Perry the Platypus and Myself a-and it was rather disturbing. These fans t-took the frenemy aspect of our relationship to a rather d-disturbing level."

"That's disgusting!" Figure 2 interjected. Doof nodded in agreement, beginning to relax a little.

"That's what I said! So I made this first inator to erase all that...stuff...but it didn't work. Well it did...but not fast enough. So then I made this. Cause I figured, if people can't think of it, they can't write it down or draw it. Genius Right?"

For a moment, both figures are silent before Figure 1 starts waving his arms, barely missing his colleague's head.

"Are you mental? Don't answer that. Point is, this inator would affect us as well. While the rest of the show would be semi-fine, the segment between you and Perry would fall flat, causing views to fall and eventual cancellation due to no link between stories. Fans would become frantic and possibly storm our offices because not only would there be no show, there'd be no movie or spin-off."

"...Aren't you being a little dramic."

Figure 1 paused and stared and Figure 2

"Maybe, but you know, it took us ten years to get this show up and running"

As the figures and Doof talk, you are beginning to (maybe have already) figure out who exactly are under those two cloaks.

So deep are you in thought that you don't hear a 'pop' and the heavy footfalls outside the closet door.

It's only when the closet door opens and you nearly face plant on the floor that you notice what's going on.

Looking up, you see a rather tired looking face looking back down at you.

"Look, Fan Fiction Reading Person, Sorry for stuffing you in my closet...I panicked."

You push yourself up off the floor and look around.

The first thing you notice is that the Writer's-Block-Inator is gone. So are the figures.

"So were those figures...?"

"Yes, yes they were."

Silence stretches between you two before you ask Doof where the inator is. The thing was huge, and you were pretty sure you didn't hear a ka-boom.

"T-They erased it before leaving."

"Oh."

"You know, I'm not really feeling myself right now...more like an interpretation of a Depressed Me from a fan-fic. So, um, nothing personal..."

A moment later and you find yourself sitting in front of your computer back home.

Sitting there, you realize, maybe, being a cartoon just may not be all laughs."

A/N: What. Did. I. Just. Write?

This is not funny! This is gloomy! Apparently, my sugar high from yesterday which allowed me write and post three chapters last night wore off. Huh. Weird, you'd think I'd have another sugar high going on since I had some serious sweets today.

Ah well. So, I hope you guys figured out who the figures in the cloaks were. Which means, I have to do another disclaimer. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN JEFF OR DAN, THE CREATORS OF PHINEAS AND FERB. THEY ARE MUCH TOO RICH TO BOTHER WITH A 19 YEAR OLD WANNABE WRITER. Hopefully.

On a side note, Figure 1 is Jeff "Swampy" Marsh

Figure 2 is Dan Povenmire

One more thing before I go, if anybody reading this could, please check out my other fanfic 'Spot of Blue Amongst the Grey', and leave a review on it, I would be very happy. Happy enough to continue to bash my brain trying to keep the laughs coming for my first fanfic.


	10. Embarrassingly Short

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING THAT IS ALL**

Dressed in a long black lab coat, the evil(er) Dr. Doofensmirtz was on his way to meet with his even more evil supervising overlord, Suzy Johnson-

**A/N:**

Doof: Whoa! Whoa Whoa Whoa aaaaand Whoa. W-What is that? That is nothing at all what you've you been writing for this thing at all.

Me: *shrugs* Yeaaah. But people were demanding an update.

Doof: So you give them something completely irreverent to the actual fanficion topic.

Me: Yep :D

Doof: ...

Me: I wonder if this would count as trolling. If it does, SUCESS!

Anyways, don't take this chapter seriously. It's filler if anything else. I plan on doing at least two more chapters for this before calling it complete.

In the meantime feel free to check out any of my other fanfics or check out the poll on my profile regarding 'Doof's Ramblings' and remember; my life does not exist solely on the computer. I have a job and school to attend. So, bear with me, I'll update when able.

Doof: You done writing a block of text no one will read?

Me: Yeah, I guess

Doof: ...what was the point of that anyway?

Me: Oh, just my attempt at making Alt Doof funny by saying he answers to Suzy. At least I laughed and know at least one person personally who laughed at that as well sooo meh. Probably won't do that again.

Doof: You know; I'm not even going to ask. This whole thing makes less sense than my childhood. I'm out.

Me: ...I wonder if this filler will garner me my first flames...Doof, what do you think? Doof? Seems my star has left...better go before those flames start coming...DOOF! WAIT FOR ME!


	11. THIS IS

**DISCLAIMER: ONCE AGAIN, I OWN NOTHING. NOT DOOF, NOT YOU, NOT IRVING, NOT EVEN 'THE LINK'. THAT GEM OF AWSOME WOULD BELONG TO DOOF; HE DID AFTER ALL MAKE IT...**

It had been an awesome marathon of Phineas and Ferb, and the season three finale after it was epic.

Doof was funny, Monogram was so-so, and who would have thought-

All thoughts of the season finale practically flew out of your head as you stared in shocked surprise at the figure sitting on your bed.

They should not be sitting there. On your bed. Playing with handmade figurines of Phineas and Ferb.

Without tearing your eyes away from him, you grabbed something and threw it at him. It wasn't until it made contact with him, knocking him off your bed that you realized what it was you threw.

Your math book.

Well, at least the book of confusing numbers and formulas finally did something to benefit you.

Cautiously you approach your bed, making sure you have another school book in your hands in case he does something crazy. Peering over the side you see Irving rubbing his head and looking up at you crossly.

"What the doorknob was that for?"

"You were on my bed."

"So?"

"It's. My. Bed."

Rolling his eyes, Irving stands up and screams.

"What!"

"You made me break Phineas!"

You give him a deadpan look. Really? If anyone should be screaming it should be you, after all, a cartoon character broke…the…forth wall and came into…you scream

Irving covers his ears. "Gahh fine! It's not that bad. I can fix my toy just stop screaming!"

You stop screaming and immediately run to your desk to pull out a roll of duct tape. Irving watches you for a moment as you look back and forth between your computer and him.

"….What are you doing?"

"Trying to decide which would help prevent other characters from popping up into the real world, should I duct tape my computer or attempt to shove you back into your world via my computer and then duct tape it."

Irving gives you a weird look. "Are you saying I got here of my own doing?"

"You didn't?"

"Doorknob no; if I could get to the real world and buy up the Phineas and Ferb merchandise on my own then I would've come here long ago."

"Oookay. So how'd you get here then? You weren't assisted by a pink pony by any chance?"

Irving shakes his head. "Nah, some pharmacist guy helped me. He said if I went to this address and kept you busy and out of our world then he'd give me some money to buy some official merchandise the next time I came here."

You stare at him. Just as you're about to say something about the 'pharmacist' you hear your doorbell ring. Sighing you shoot him a glare.

"Don't leave this room."

Irving gives you a salute. "Sure thing. I will not leave this…oooo is that a Perry plush? Can I play with it? Please?"

Rolling your eyes, you toss the plush at him and ignore his squees of glee as you leave the room. You'll wash the plush and your bed sheets once this whole thing is fixed.

Opening the door, you see to your surprise _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ on your doorstep. In her hands is a rather large bag.

"How did you find me? In the real world!"

_PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ smirks. "Not only is Google Earth awesome, but I know a few hackers. Sides, can I come in? That noisy neighbor of yours is giving me and this bag a dark look."

Looking down at the bag you see it's squirming. Good God; did she kidnap something?

"Not getting any younger here"

"Why should I let you in! With that bag you look like you stole something or someone"

_PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ shrugged. "Is it kidnapping when someone breaks into my home, threatens me and leave me no choice but to smack them with a frying pan, shove 'em in a bag and travel absurdly fast to someone possibly in the same boat as me and demand refuge?"

"…Yeeeees?"

"Let me in or I turn you into the government for hacking into their systems last Thursday."

You pale a little. "But I never-"

"But I did, and I can make it look like it was you"

"Fine; but just so you know; I hate you"

She shrugged as she pushed herself past you into your house. "Whatever, nice diggs by the way."

Almost too scared to ask, you point at her sack. "What's in there? And if it's a body, I don't wanna know."

Grin widening, _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ grabbed her bag, raised it above her and dumped…Suzy Johnson head first on the floor.

Two seconds later, the evil terror toddler is on her feet screaming like a sailor at _PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_. You stare and watch for a little while wondering where on earth such a little kid could learn such language.

About a minute later Irving comes running out of your room carrying your math book.

Just as you're about to ask him why he's got your math book, Irving trips causing the book to fly out of his hands and hit Suzy on the head, knocking her out.

"Not exactly what I was planning to do, but I guess whatever works..."

You raise an eyebrow as you stare at him "And what was that exactly?"

"I was going to hit her with it. She can't go around screaming like that; she could get deleted from the script and be replaced with someone worse! The Disney contract quite specifically says no swearing of any kind or if need arises use a different word!"

"Is that why you were saying 'doorknob' earlier?"

"Why yes, yes it was."

You blink. "Well okay then…"

_PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ gave a small huff. "Well if you two are all done being chatty, I say we stuff Evil Curls and Stalker boy back in their world"

"But I'm supposed to keep you guys outta of our world" Irving whined.

You stare at him for a moment before your eyes drift towards your math book. "Weeell if you want to keep me from visiting Doof" you say thoughtfully, "You can always help me with my math homework"

Irving gives you an indignant look. "I'm a stalker not a nerd. Besides, what kind of loon puts letters and shapes in a book for number problems? I'd rather go home than puzzle over formulas that don't make sense!"

_PscyoCrazyDoofSuperFan#9001_ grinned "That could be arranged"

Irving crosses his arms and glares at her. "If you're planning to tie me up in rope again, forget it. Sides, the pharmacist said only he could bring me and Suzy back"

"Well Stalker Boy, seems he forgot we have 'The Link'"

**A/N: Eeeeeeeennd Sceane**

**And there's you go, the first part of the two parter conclusion of 'Doof's Ramblings'**

**Doof: Sooo this whole nightmare's going to be over?**

**Me: Yep :D**

**Doof: Good and before I forget *pulls out inator***

**Me: W-What's that for?**

**Doof: Spoilers, for the season finale.**

**Me: But it wasn't! I didn't say anything, the Wiki spoils more than what I just said!**

**Doof: Fine *puts away inator***

**Me: *Sprays Doof with fire extinguisher and runs for the hills***

**Doof: WHAT WAS THAT FOR! **

**Me: I HAD TO USE WORDNERB'S FIRE EXTINGUISHER SOMEHOW!**


End file.
